if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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