You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
My vagina is officially offended.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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