2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
