You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
