If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
