He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
