so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
