somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
