Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
