let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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