McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
