brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
