When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
