I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize