when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
