she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
