I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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