Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
