Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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