if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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