I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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