He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The air was thick with penises
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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