Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
