i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
