I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
