she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
