So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
