Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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