I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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