yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
