someone owes me an orgasm
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
