Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
