You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
