people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
