You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
