I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
