sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
