all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize