god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
