trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
