I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you had me at cake vodka
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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