So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
