just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize