It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
