You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
