Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
