so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
