The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
