so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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