Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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