I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
