Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize