just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
