About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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