Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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