I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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