what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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