I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
