I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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