piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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