I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
