I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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