i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
