there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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