i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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