What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
