Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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