She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So. Much. Porn.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
