i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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