so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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