Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
