Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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