My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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