he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
