I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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