I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
