And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
