yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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