New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
