OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
