I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
accomplished twins. life is a go
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just invented taco cereal.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
