I have demons in me.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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