Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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