o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
