I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
