Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
