I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
