I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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