somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
