Only a mothe r could love this liver
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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