You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
