New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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