Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
