He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I need to calm my uterus...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
