ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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