i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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